Hey! Whose Wedding Is This Anyway

The proposal takes place and is accepted. The prospective bride and groom start to imagine what their wedding will be like. What is not immediately thought of is there will likely be two families imagining the same scenario.

Thus begins the conversation–the one where each significant player expresses their dreams, their hopes and yes, their demands for this long awaited day.

Inevitably, there will be differences of opinions, people invested in certain details and rituals and perhaps divided loyalties. This is typical.

It may seem to the fiancés that everyone is claiming their piece of the action–especially when their parents are contributing financially to the special event.

What is a couple to do? With the love they feel deep in their hearts at this time, they surely do not want to offend or hurt anyone. Is it possible to please everyone and every insistence? Probably not. Is it possible for bride and groom to create a wedding of their dreams without causing undo strife? Yes.

The key to any life situation is communication. It must first be initiated between you, the couple to be married. Once there is a clear picture of what you envision, you will be able to present a united front to your families and minimize the prospect of conflict. Don’t wait too long after the proposal to then sit down with your parents and talk honestly, gently, respectfully and openly. Listen to them and then ask them to listen to you. As the leading roles you are entitled to take command! You as the couple can present your expectation that this is to be your wedding, your day of a lifetime, while explaining your appreciation for their generosity and support and inviting them to submit five requests that they would like to see happen. You might tell them that you will take their five under consideration and come back to them with three that you will accept. This is excellent practice for negotiating within marriage and with your families going forward.

With love in your heart, remember to be clear about your desires–about what you can be flexible about and what is non-negotiable and stand, as a twosome, firm.

I wish you a celebration with a roomful of smiles.

–Rev. Lynn

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