Posts Tagged ‘Planning a Wedding’


Lynn’s Tips

Thursday, July 1st, 2010


Step 1 To Begin Envisioning Your Wedding Ceremony: 

During a quiet time at home, after a home-cooked meal (or ordered-in), put on some gentle and inspiring music. Turn off the phone. Get comfortable, sitting next to each other. Sit in silence. Let your minds and hearts go where they will.

After two minutes tell each other what you have experienced during the silence.

Now take some time in turn to talk about:

  • Your favorite colors
  • Your favorite flower
  • Your special song/lyrics
  • A book you love
  • A memorable quote
  • An unforgettable film
  • Your earliest shared memory

Jot down notes about what was said.

Have a hug and enjoy the rest of your day.


Get comfortable with photographs of your child spread out on a table. Look closely at each one. For each make a written note of a single word that describes what you are noticing or feeling. Study the words. Now try to write a letter or poem to your child. Keep what you have created to give to your child when he/she can read.


Ask yourself:

  • What am I celebrating/ritualizing?
  • Why am I celebrating/ritualizing this?
  • With whom do I want to share this ceremony?
  • What place of meaning would I want to celebrate at?
  • Is there a significant date or season in which I want to celebrate?
  • What type of music might accompany this event?
  • Are there any rituals I specifically want to incorporate?
  • Are there readings that I want included?
  • Do I want certain meaningful objects around me?
  • What am I seeking by having this ceremony?

Smile at yourself in the mirror and jot down your answers.


First thing to do: Congratulate yourself!!! You have recognized that something(s) in your life is going off course. You have made a deliberate decision to seek professional help and that is truly to be applauded. Life in the modern age is so darn complex and fast that sometimes it’s hard to catch your emotional breath all by yourself. Fortunately, there are many caring and talented therapists ready to hear your story, your woes and help you find your way to what you want for yourself.

When seeking a therapist it is most desirable to get a recommendation from a trusted friend, family member, mentor or medical professional. Try to get a few names and spend the time and money interviewing two or three therapists. I guarantee that your intuition, your gut will tell you which one to choose. If none of them appeal, try out more and remember that you are in charge of this choice.

Deciding to go into therapy and the therapeutic relationship may seem a bit daunting at the start. That is a normal feeling. It also may be, for you, a welcome relief. I recommend giving your therapy at least a month of sessions before you think about walking out the door.

Be patient with yourself. Subtle, slow and steady growth is the one that sticks. If you take one step forward and then two steps backwards, do not fret. As you do the work, make the commitment and live out what you are learning new about yourself, you will find progress. It is the surest investment out there. I wish you the best!

–Rev. Lynn

Hey! Whose Wedding Is This Anyway

Friday, June 4th, 2010

The proposal takes place and is accepted. The prospective bride and groom start to imagine what their wedding will be like. What is not immediately thought of is there will likely be two families imagining the same scenario.

Thus begins the conversation–the one where each significant player expresses their dreams, their hopes and yes, their demands for this long awaited day.

Inevitably, there will be differences of opinions, people invested in certain details and rituals and perhaps divided loyalties. This is typical.

It may seem to the fiancés that everyone is claiming their piece of the action–especially when their parents are contributing financially to the special event.

What is a couple to do? With the love they feel deep in their hearts at this time, they surely do not want to offend or hurt anyone. Is it possible to please everyone and every insistence? Probably not. Is it possible for bride and groom to create a wedding of their dreams without causing undo strife? Yes.

The key to any life situation is communication. It must first be initiated between you, the couple to be married. Once there is a clear picture of what you envision, you will be able to present a united front to your families and minimize the prospect of conflict. Don’t wait too long after the proposal to then sit down with your parents and talk honestly, gently, respectfully and openly. Listen to them and then ask them to listen to you. As the leading roles you are entitled to take command! You as the couple can present your expectation that this is to be your wedding, your day of a lifetime, while explaining your appreciation for their generosity and support and inviting them to submit five requests that they would like to see happen. You might tell them that you will take their five under consideration and come back to them with three that you will accept. This is excellent practice for negotiating within marriage and with your families going forward.

With love in your heart, remember to be clear about your desires–about what you can be flexible about and what is non-negotiable and stand, as a twosome, firm.

I wish you a celebration with a roomful of smiles.

–Rev. Lynn

There are Many Ways to Bake a Wedding Cake

Wednesday, April 2nd, 2008

Hi there. I’m very excited to start this, my first blog and I welcome you to join me. After all, should we decide to work together in designing your ceremony, I am going to want to know who you are and what matters to you. So it’s only fair that I invite you to get to know more about me and how I’ve come to think about the work I do.

And perhaps the best way to do both is to begin with my own weddings, or how I learned that there are many ways to ‘bake a wedding cake,’ whatever stage you are in your life, and that all of them are delicious.

Let’s flash back to 1979. I got married in a silver designer dress in an elegant loft with a stunning, starlit view of the Empire State Building in New York City. We hired a wedding consultant and caterer, a ten piece 1920’s band, invited 150 guests, were married by a rabbi with the witness of my mother, brother and two stepdaughters–and we had a grand time.

We went on in our life together to have our own two children and worked very hard at melding the two families. This is generally a challenging endeavor, but I believe we invested our full determination to make it work. It required having all of us together facing both the importance and the stickiness of such a situation and not being discouraged by it that made us successful as a unified, supportive family.

You may hear me say often, in varying ways, that the secret ingredients to handling any difficulty among people are love and the kindness of understanding. Sometimes it’s really hard to get that perspective, yet it is one well worth aiming for because it makes managing life and relationships so much easier.

So, our marriage carried on and we shared great joys and managed to resolve our tribulations. I cherish those many years of my life even though the marriage came to an end.

Years later I was deeply fortunate to have met the man in the photo above. I believe if we allow our hearts to remain open, even after painful disappointment, we hold onto the possibility of a second time around at sincere love.

In 2012 we decided to have a commitment ceremony. This time I wore a mint green dress purchased in a thrift shop, the ceremony took place on my small, simple deck facing the Pacific Ocean at sunset, music came from iTunes on our computer, the seven guests were our four children and their partners and our friend, an interfaith minister performed the rites. Dinner was an organic meal; warmth and intimacy abounded.

It was all good. There was a great deal of joy in both and each ritual-celebration reflected where I was at the time. Whenever it occurs, we each deserve to have the ceremony of our current imagination that reflects our love and commitment to one another. And that is the kind of experience that I want to create with you.

–Rev. Lynn