Vows? Wow! Where do I begin?

Vows are a very important part of a marriage ceremony. It is with the vows that the couple pledges their most heartfelt intentions to one another witnessed by the most important people in their lives.

Writing and delivering your own vows can be intimidating. They center on your intimate feelings and sometimes feelings are difficult to put into words. However, they can be the greatest wedding gifts you can give each other, because, it is a generous, loving surprise.

Try to relax. Remembering that you simply want to do something to make your fiancé happy. It does not have to be the greatest speech in the history of the world. When you sit down to compose your vows, imagine you’re sitting across from one of your close friends (or have that friend sit there in person) as you casually tell him/her the story of your fiancé, as if they never met. Add something about how you imagine your lives together in the future. Jot down notes or have your friend do it for you. Refer back to these notes when writing your actual vows.

Here are some tools to use to help you with creating your marriage vows:

  • List 5-10 words describing your fiancé.
  • List 3-5 words describing your feelings for your fiancé.
  • List 3-5 words about how your fiancé makes you feel.
  • How did you meet? What did you think/feel when you first met?
  • What incident(s) happened that made you know this is a solid human being?
  • Describe when you first fell in love with your fiancé. And what followed?
  • Talk about dreams you share for your future together.
  • What do you want to pledge to your fiancé?
  • List 3-5 promises that you can keep.

Use the information gathered above when considering the following:


  • Imagine you are writing a public love letter to your beloved, because you are!


  • The most important aspects of wedding vows are the promises you make.
  • Stay with positive language.
  • Humor is always appreciated. Include some if you are comfortable with it.
  • Vows may be as short as a well-formed sentence or much longer.
  • Vows may even be in the form of a poem or song.
  • Feel free to be imaginative.
  • Google: Love Poems and Quotes About Love and see what speaks to you.


  • Use your deepest words of appreciation and intention.
  • Offer your biggest promise.

–Rev. Lynn

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